#56 Setting Healthy Boundaries: A Guide to Valuing Yourself

Transcript:

 Valuing yourself allows you to cultivate self respect and set those healthy boundaries for yourself and others in your life. Are you struggling with your digital marketing efforts? Do you want to simplify and automate your marketing process but don’t know where to start? Well, look no further my friend.

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Now, I know that this is a really deep topic, And we only have a limited time here today, but I really wanted to start with unpacking, well, why is this important? There really are several reasons and this story is going to highlight the most important one. When I started in private practice, one of the things that I struggled with initially was the number of people that would not show up for their appointment at the specified time or just wouldn’t show up at all.

And then there were also many people that were coming in and calling at the last minute to tell me that they couldn’t make the appointment. So what that meant was, was that I was Losing time. I was also not able to use my time efficiently because I had set that time aside for them, but they weren’t appearing for their appointment and consultation.

And I know that it’s easy to blame them for this. But what I realized was when I started working with a coach, she brought it up and because I kept complaining to her, you know what, I have these no shows, I have these cancellations who call just a few minutes before their appointment, preventing me from filling that space.

And it’s really leaving me frustrated and making me feel or wonder to myself, well, What is it that I’m doing wrong? And the advice from my coach was, Amita, it’s time to start working on you. You need to value yourself. You need to value your time. And I needed to learn this. I needed to understand what I needed to do to see myself as the expert that people were seeking out advice from, and realizing that my time is valuable and therefore I should.

make sure that people respect that, but I needed to respect it first. I started implementing three tools into my practice at that time and it changed. The business to a 99 percent show up rate. Yeah. You know, there’s always going to be that one or 2 percent there that things happen and that’s okay, but we’re not talking about those people where there’s a real valid reason and they do need to shift their appointment.

We’re talking about those people that are consistently not valuing your time. But more so that you’re not valuing your own time and your own experience and expertise and self worth. So what does this mean to value yourself in business? Well, it means that you believe you are worthy of love, respect, success.

happiness, all those good things. You believe in yourself and it’s really different to being selfish because that comes from a place of all about you and to the detriment of others around you. Valuing yourself allows you to cultivate self respect and set those healthy boundaries for yourself and others in your life.

This is really important to work on because it’s in realizing your own self worth that you can show more compassion and kindness to yourself and to others and it also encourages you to feel good about yourself, about your life and how you’re influencing others without feeling that you need external validation.

One of the most important relationships we have is with ourselves. Actually, I changed that. It is the most important relationship, is the one that you have with yourself. Knowing this means that in business you’re grounded in your self confidence. You know that you’re giving the best service, the best range of products to those clients, while standing firm in how you choose to operate your business.

It means, you know, you actively work on setting those healthy boundaries, preventing people, whether that be clients, suppliers, staff, et cetera, from taking advantage of you. You’re also then able to address those issues from a place of being assertive and not coming from a place of fear or aggression.

Now, some of the benefits. Additional benefits to valuing yourself can include things like building that confidence, making better decisions, being more respectful of yourself is going to also then allow more respect from others, and you’re going to feel fulfilled with what you do. every day. I thought I’d give you an example of Michelle who’s a highly regarded massage therapist in Sydney.

She’s got a fully booked clinic yet she has this tendency not to be able to say no. If a client calls up On a day where she’s already booked out, she will try and fit them in at the end of the day and work longer hours. If she gets a text message from a client in the evening, she’ll respond immediately.

And what that has resulted in is her feeling run down because she’s always focused on work at all times of the day. It’s leaving her feeling exhausted because there’s no time for anything else. So this is also when she’s got a great website that has a great time booking system that’s easy to use. So she’s already got everything there, but she’s not utilizing it.

And the thing that’s missing is that she’s not valuing herself and her time. So. We started to work through this and I gave her some strategies that she could implement and just small steps to start working on. And the result has been that she doesn’t take those calls after hours or reply to those text messages.

She actually has now turned her work phone off. After she finishes work and she’s employed a receptionist for the busy days so that somebody else is there to take those calls and to book people in, in the right time slot. She’s also started to work on her own time. And using time to benefit her and do things that she’s passionate about.

It’s allowed her to spend more time with her family. And she’s gone on a holiday for the first time in over three years, which is fantastic. You know, so those are the things that can happen when you start valuing yourself, start valuing who you are and understanding that. It starts with you. Your self worth, your self respect are the most important things.

Before being able to help or support anybody else. So you might be thinking, well, okay, what can I do to work with my own self worth, my own valuing of myself? Well, I thought I’d share seven tips with you. Number one is to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. We know that.

Once you’ve identified what your strengths are, you can focus on developing them and using them to your advantage. So, for example, if you’re great at speaking to people in person versus on the phone, then practice those tough conversations through role playing with a friend or colleague. So that when you’re faced with that situation of, for example, taking payment for the time you’ve actually spent speaking with a client that just popped in for a pickup of a product, and you ended up spending 30 minutes consulting with them about their health, then you can be confident in that conversation and Let them know that, hey, I’ve spent 30 minutes here and this is the product that I’m giving you.

I’m also going to be charging you for that time. Or even better, before they start talking, you can say, Here’s your product. If you do need further assistance, let’s book you in and sit down and I can give you my full undivided attention and be able to charge for that then as well. So it’s really important that you start making sure that you value your time.

Setting realistic goals is also important. These changes, when we’re talking about self worth and valuing yourself, are not things that can happen overnight. So when you start making small steps, small goals, and putting those in place so that you start feeling you’ve got the momentum, you’re making the changes, you can see them happening, you’ll gradually reach that bigger goal.

This to me, number three, is one of the most important ones and that is taking care of yourself. I talk a lot about this and I really am adamant about the importance of this because if we’re not looking after ourselves, if we’re neglecting our exercise, our food, our lifestyle. Those are the routines that can ground you, that are there to set you up for your day, for your week, for your business, to be able to give the best of yourself to everybody else.

Yet when we let those things go, that’s when everything else can start to fall apart. So really make sure that you’re putting those routines back in place. Number four, challenge yourself. Take those steps out of your comfort zone to help to build your confidence. Sign up for Toastmasters if you want to learn to speak more confidently or join a networking group.

If you want to surround yourself with more people, fear bigger crowds. It’s a great way to just start small. I used to be extremely introverted. To the point where standing up in front of a crowd would literally have me shivering in panic. Yet, I had this deep desire to help more people than I was, with just my one on one consults.

But the fear… kept me in limbo for so many years. It really paralyzed me until I signed up for two professional speaking courses. They were different in their approach and I learned so much. I got the skills of being able to structure my material, how to engage, techniques for working through those butterflies, ways of memorizing.

All those things put together allowed me to start feeling more confident and I was able to launch a successful national series of seminars that has then continued to help me to build that confidence in speaking to people. In big crowds, small crowds to the point where I was able to stand up in front of 300 people at my brother’s wedding, give a speech and not tear up, not run away from the stage.

I was also, you know, asked recently to be an MC for one of my friends, um, live gigs, which was awesome. Surround yourself with positive people. This is another one that I think that we really need to focus on. When we’re starting to work on ourselves, we want to feel that we’ve got people there around us that understand us, that support us, and that will lift us.

If you’ve got relationships that are impacting you negatively, as difficult as it is to say no and let those relationships go, this is the time to Have some tough love and call it quits on those relationships. Take action to release those relationships because it’s going to open up the opportunity for more fulfilling relationships in your life.

Also, really, really important is to practice that self talk, positive self talk. Sorry. The way that you talk to yourself really does matter. The simple things of, if you catch yourself in a negative self talk cycle, just stop. Take a deep breath and just count backwards from five, reset, and start again. The last thing that I wanted to share was to seek professional help.

As much as we can rely on our friends, our family for support, sometimes we need to speak to somebody professionally to be able to give us more tools that can help. That could be a counselor, a psychologist, Even a coach can support you through helping you to work through these techniques. All of them are going to help to give you a plan to build your self confidence and be the best that you can be.

Building self confidence and standing up for yourself. It’s a journey, my friend. It’s not a destination. You have to just take it one day at a time and realize that the time and the effort that goes into it is going to be so rewarding at the end. So if you’re ready to work on setting up those healthy boundaries in your business and your relationships, book a free clarity call with me today and let’s get started.

Jump to my website, holisticvision. com. au And you can book in a clarity call with me until next week, Wednesday, my friends subscribe to the channel, wherever you get your podcasts this way, you don’t miss out on any of the episodes. And remember, if you’ve gotten value, please do share this podcast with two to three of your friends or colleagues who could also learn something new until next week, my friends, happy marketing.