In this episode, we chat with Cynthia, a marriage and family therapist with over 10 years of experience. She shares her insights on how to embrace motherhood in a way that is authentic and fulfilling, and how to redefine family dynamics to be more supportive of each individual.
•Cynthia’s expertise in maternal mental health and her mission to help moms find authenticity in motherhood.
•Insights into redefining family dynamics for the well-being of each individual within the family unit.
•A glimpse into Cynthia’s career evolution, from the serendipity of psychology classes to a licensed therapist with a private practice and group practices.
•Explore the profound concept of the interplay between the individual and the system, and how it goes beyond traditional mental health approaches, focusing on the impactful feedback loop in family dynamics.
Hello, Cynthia. Welcome to the Health Pro Series, the practice to profit series. Today, I’ve got the beautiful Cynthia with me and I’m really, um, In awe of your journey, we’ve talked a little bit about it already, and we are going to share more with us today with that. But before we get into all of that, I wanted to share a little bit about Cynthia.
And Cynthia is a marriage and family therapist with training in maternal mental health. He. MDR and human design. Her current work is focused on working with moms to help them embrace motherhood in a way that is authentic and fulfilling. Through her work with moms she’s able to help them to redefine their family dynamic so that it is supportive of each individual within the family.
It sounds amazing what you do and how you help both the moms. and families as well, which is so important. Cynthia, welcome. Hello, Amita. Thank you so much for having me here. I’m happy to be here and share a little bit about what I do and what my experience has been to arrive here. Yeah. And on that note, I would love for you to share a bit about how you’ve gone from You know, where it all started and what you’re doing right now.
I’d be happy to. So my story, I’m going to go way back to when I first started studying. Um, so when I graduated from high school, I started going to school at the university of Miami. I was super excited to be there. Um, I was one of the first people in my family to attend the university. I mean, this was it was a great accomplishment to get into this university.
And when I arrived at the school, I had started as a biology major. I had these big dreams of being like Steve Irwin, the crocodile hunter, and like going out and doing documentaries and all these things. And, um, My first year there, my first semester there as a freshman, I took a pre-med biology class and I got AC in the class.
And I love to tell this story because I literally changed the whole Traject Traject trajectory of my life based on. this single moment, right? So I received a C in this class, which now thinking back on it was quite an accomplishment, right? Being straight out of high school and, um, not somebody that was going into medical school.
And I panicked and changed my major. When I changed my major, I tried a few different things. So I had initially changed into sociology. And again, thinking that I would go out and study other cultures, I really wanted to do field research. And in that process, I started taking a lot of psychology classes.
And at that time, I was going through or had experienced a pretty difficult life experience. My parents separated when I was 15. And I found that through taking the psychology classes, I started wanting to take more and more of them because it became a process of like self healing for me and just being able to learn different aspects of how we function emotionally and psychologically.
And so I found myself taking more and more classes. And before I knew it, I ended up graduating with a double major in criminology and psychology with a minor in literature. And from there, I decided, I always joke that I became a therapist by mistake because after experimenting with a few other careers, I decided to go back to school to become a clinician.
And through that process, I started building up my skills and I worked with a multitude of different populations over the course of my, of the years that I’ve been licensed. I’ve been licensed over 10 years. And, um, throughout that process, I worked with different populations. I got to experience different things and it started bringing me closer and closer to where I am today.
And today, part of my work, when I transitioned into a private practice setting and group practices, I started working with a lot of couples, which was not something that I thought I would like. It wasn’t something that I sought out to do, but it kind of came and fell in my lap. And I started working with a lot of couples and.
Being a marriage and family therapist, so I’ll explain a little bit about the difference between being a marriage and family therapist and a mental health counselor. So, um, when I first started my master’s program, I was actually a dual dual track major. So I was trying to get my degree in both of them.
And I eventually dropped the mental health. And the reason why I did that Was because I aligned more with the theories and the modalities that were presented in marriage and family therapy because they are systemic and I view. everything, particularly families, from a systemic point of view, where the idea here is that the individual impacts the system and the system impacts the individual, right?
And there’s like this feedback loop that happens, which to me was more impactful and meaningful than the mental health track that focused more on the individual and the pathology. of the individual. So a lot of, um, a lot of labeling and a lot of identified patients. But for me, that didn’t make sense because we don’t exist in a container, right?
Whether whether it’s our family, whether it’s our workplace, our communities, the society as a whole, right, we function in relation to other people. So I really started focusing and working with couples really highlighted how This interaction plays out because sometimes I would have people come to couples therapy and they’d be like, I’m really struggling in my marriage.
My partner does not want to come to therapy. Should I still be here? And my answer was always yes, because relationships are reciprocal, right? So if we start doing our own work, we’re going to show up differently into the system or the relationship. And then that, that will force the other. Person or people to respond differently, right?
Because if I show up differently, your response or the way that you interact with me has to be different, negative or positive, right? That’s to be determined, but it’s going to shift the way that the interactions take place, um, through the course of this work. The pandemic happened, right? And this now shifted for all of us, how we were doing our day to day lives and particularly for moms.
I think that this had a real significant impact because we were now home with our kids for those that were working outside of the home, home with our kids and managing all of us. The logistics from one place and what I was finding is that a lot of the moms that were coming to me were really struggling.
Um, I was seeing a lot of burnout, overwhelmed, um, lack of self worth, feeling like they were failing and even suicidal ideation. Suicidal ideation that they weren’t talking about outside of the clinical setting because there was real fears that either their kids could get taken from them or. Um, that people would disregard or, or downplay what they were experiencing.
And this really got me to thinking about what it is that was going on. Like, why were so many putting the pandemic aside? Cause that was a stressor in and of itself. But I feel like this was going on even prior to the pandemic. It’s just that the pandemic like highlighted what was already there. Yeah. And as I sat back and really started contemplating on what could be going on, why are moms Feeling so distressed, right?
Because I wanted to understand the why so that I can then start thinking about possible solutions or way that I can support them with the experience and knowledge that I have, have, have, and I had up to that point. So as I was sitting there thinking about it, I realized that post feminist movements, right?
For the past several decades, there was a significant shift in women’s role within the society, right? We were offered all these opportunities that we did not have prior to that. And that was beautiful and wonderful. And women were now able to pursue their dreams, their careers, their desires. They were able to Imagine pursuing things outside of the home and and many of us did that right for whatever reason, whether it was something that was lying in our heart that we wanted to do or because there was a need for it, right?
But when that happens, you know, when women were able to leave the home and do things outside of the house, their roles within the home didn’t shift. There hasn’t been a change in the family system. We’re still using the same paradigm that we were using during a time. that that we had more defined distinct roles, right?
So during that time, mom knew that she would stay home, take care of the kids, manage the home, whether she wanted to or not is a different discussion. But, but she had a very clear, Description of what her roles were, and dad had a very clear description again, whether or not that’s what he wanted to do had a very clear description of what his role was right.
And now we created like this, this messiness or like blurred descriptions, or lack of clarity around descriptions and what ended up happening was that moms have been for a long time taking on them. A lot of the responsibility and a lot of the mental load that goes into managing the family and still doing their thing outside of the family.
So this brought me to a place where I started thinking about what would need to happen to kind of create. More equilibrium within the systems so that everybody within the system feels supported, right? Mom, dad, and the children. And when I say mom, dad, it could be, you know, any partnership within the home, you know, that is, that is the head of the household.
And, um, so this led me to a place where I created, I’ve created a coaching model called the thriving families coaching model, which looks at four pillars within the family. Thank you. And the idea behind addressing the four pillars is that it’ll allow each family unit to design a dynamic that is supportive of their particular family, their needs, their desires, right?
So it’s not really a one size fits all type of experience. Um, and the four pillars address the well being of the mom, Because research supports that if mom is doing well, the family tends to thrive. Right. Um, so we want to address the well being of the mom and make sure that she has a clear idea of what she wants to do, how she wants to do it, um, can really identify her authentic identity.
Right. So what is it that Um, what is it that she desires to bring into her role of motherhood, right? Because motherhood is, is a role. It’s a hat that we wear. It’s, it, it’s not our whole identity. And I think a lot of times moms feel that way, right? Once I have children like that has to become my whole identity.
And then they feel lost a lot of times, or Um feel lack of purpose and and and then they feel guilt around saying that right because they’re like How can I feel a lack of purpose when i’m raising these beautiful humans, but Again, it’s only one aspect of our identity and I think sometimes they’re not giving permission to explore the other many aspects of who they are The second pillar is the partnership.
So making sure that there’s a strong foundation In the relationship and that we’re having discussions around How we wanna show up as parents. Are we supporting each other’s dreams outside of parenthood and also within parenthood? Are we making sure that we’re s, that we’re serving our family in a way that is aligned with our values and not what we should be doing?
Mm-Hmm. Um, so having this really strong line of communication and really strong foundation, there’s nothing like having children to highlight all the potential weaknesses in your relationship. My partner and I were together. We’ve been together for 20 years. And we were together for a long time before we had kids.
We have a six year old and a nine year old, and there were things that came to the forefront that we didn’t even recognize were, um, were areas of tension between us until we had to come together to parent our children. Um, the third pillar is home logistics. So this is Running the house like a business.
So once you’re clear on what your goals are, your values, your desires, all the things and all of that is aligned, then how do we create a systemic way of doing things that is supportive? of that? Do we have to resource help from the outside? Do we have to let go of some things that are not a priority to us in our family?
Um, so really sitting down and structuring that in a way where we’re resourcing our resourcing help and also working as a team. So everybody within the house is This being supportive of what we want to accomplish as a family. And then the last one is the last one is parenting. And I feel like when the first three are strong and stable, then parenting really comes down to being intentional about parenting the child that we have.
Right. Are we seeing the individual that’s standing in front of us and parenting them? I’ve taken a lot of parenting courses. I’ve taught a lot of parenting courses and it oftentimes. If the parenting courses do not work, parents are left feeling one of two things, that they are a failure as a parent, or that they have a broken child.
And a lot of times, it’s neither one of those. The parenting courses give us tools, and I think we have to know who the child, or be curious about who the person in front of us is, the child, and then pull from our toolbox to know which methods and which techniques to apply to that particular child. Yeah, and this brought me to human design, which I do use in my work, and it has been a game changer in understanding how.
Um, couples relate to one another and human design is a synthesis of astrology, the Chinese I Ching Kabbalah, the Hindu chakra system and quantum physics, and it creates an energy blueprint. And there are five different energy types and they each function differently. So understanding your energy type in relation to those around you really provides you with a lot of insight.
And with my partner, it has provided a lot of insight and also. Um, with my, uh, in, in parenting my children and understanding who they are. So I use it as a tool in a lot of the work that I do. Okay. Great. Um, I love that, you know, and when you were talking about your four pillars and, um, sharing each of them and how they, they work and how they, you know, evolve within a family setting, I think, um, the first thought that came to mind when you were talking about it is, um, It is the same as running a business.
You know, when you’ve got your values, when you know what your vision is, when you understand the relationships that you have within your business, then things work. When you’ve got the systems and the processes there for your business. It’s the same with the family. Um, and it’s, and like you said, understanding the individual that’s in front of you and being curious about them without putting on the, um, the ideas or the, um, assumptions that we just automatically make and want to influence as well.
Um, so yeah, I see that correlation there. Absolutely. I, I think it very much is a process. And as you, as you, even while you were saying it back to me, right, it reaffirms this idea. Like I was going through like the things that I’ve learned about running my business. Right. And some of the things that you learn when, when you’ve gone through your own coaching or received any education in the business, you know, the, the running of a business.
Yes. Is understanding what is your big why? What are your values? What is the vision, right? These are like the fundamental aspects that you create when you first start working towards creating this, this business and having a very, and those are the businesses that tend to succeed, right? The ones that have a very clear idea and knowing of where it is that they’re going and what it is they’re trying to accomplish, because then every decision that you make.
Aligns with that, right? And I think in families, we’re always trying almost like throwing spaghetti at the wall all the time, seeing what sticks. And I think that if we have a clear idea of where it is that we’re trying to go with our and have these conversations with our partner, then we’re able to make decisions that are more aligned with that and kind of Drown out all the other noise, right?
Because we as parents, what I’ve noticed is that we get a lot of feedback about what we should be doing, what we shouldn’t be doing, how we should be doing, what we’re doing, um, what’s okay, what’s not okay, and it’s really hard to like focus on what it is that you want, because we can’t do it all, right? So it’s really hard to focus on what it is that we need to do for our family, um.
If we don’t even know what it is that we want to foster and nurture within our family. Yes, exactly. And you know, when you say that it is, you know, when you’ve got all of this advice of external things, what you read in groups that you belong to at schools, et cetera, you know, and the same in business, you, there’s always these shiny objects, this new thing that you should be trying, you should be implementing.
Yeah. Because it’s going to work for you. It’s going to work for your business. It’s going to work for your family. But, you know, like you said, if you’ve got that vision that you and your partner, um, have set out and the way that you see that mapped out the journey that you want to follow over the course of the years, then.
It’s easier to block out those external signals and signs that people are telling you and you keep getting fed through every form of marketing or contact with social gatherings, et cetera. Um, you know, like you said, it’s just really important that you are able to then just stick to that. So that you can see what works and what doesn’t work, because if you keep throwing that spaghetti at the wall and hoping that something’s going to stick without being clear, then it’s never going to work because you don’t have a measure to follow through on and to reflect back on as well.
Right. And I think also going back to the human design aspect, I think that in understanding my Kids designs. It also allowed me to make decisions that are aligned with who they are. So, for example, um, we get as parents get a lot of feedback, my generation of parenting, at least in terms of It’s really important to keep our kids involved in extracurriculars, right?
They need to be doing all the things like have them in a sport, learn how to play piano, do this, do that, like all these things. And my son is a generator and generators have a lot of energy. I’m a generator as well. So we have a lot of energy that we need to expend. And we actually can do A lot of things and manifesting generators can do a lot of things at the same time, and that is a line for them.
My son does have extracurriculars. He plays football. He does all these things. My daughter’s a projector. My projectors have, um, the non sacral types have less access to consistent energy. So it comes more like in bursts. And for her, so I did have her in extracurriculars. She did gymnastics for a little while, but it became a process of like, Even though in her mind, she, in theory, she was excited about doing it.
But then every time we’d get ready, like, okay, get dressed. We’re going to gymnastics. She’d be like, Oh, mom, I don’t want to go. And for a while I was like, no, come on. You know, we committed to this. We’re going where. And then I finally realized that. She had a long day at school and she really needs that time to, like, decompress and, and kind of, um, restore her energy.
And if it’s not something that she’s feeling super excited to do, then there’s no point in me dragging her to do it because this is what she’s supposed to be doing, right? Really, what’s aligned for her. Is to come home and rest and not do anything because she can do a lot in short periods of time, but she needs longer periods of rest than my, than my son does.
Um, even in my own journey, learning my human design, looking back on it now. So I’ve been studying human design for maybe the past two years, but when I. started to understand it better. I realized that my journey was very aligned in how I arrived at my career and where I’m at now. And part of what generators do is that our, um, our way of functioning, our strategy is to wait to respond.
And It’s funny, because when I used to describe my process of leaving the field of biology and ending up where I am now, I always described it as a process of following the breadcrumbs, right? Like being like, Oh, this feels exciting to me. Oh, this feels exciting to me. And kind of piecing it that way. And that is actually very aligned with how generators are supposed to move through the world.
We’re supposed to wait for something to show up in our external reality. And if our gut Lights up and is excited and we’re supposed to follow it. And if it doesn’t, then we’re not supposed to. And I didn’t even realize that this was something that I was naturally aligned with and doing, even before I understood why I was doing it.
Another thing that is very aligned for me is that I have a one three profile and the one profile is called the researcher. So it’s all about learning and, and accessing as much information as. As possible. And it’s funny because when I was in school, some of my family members would be like, I found out later would be like talking behind my back and be like, I hope she’s not going to be in school forever.
Because if it were up to me, I would have been a student and I still am a student, you know, so I’m constantly taking courses and trainings and. Because I love to learn, but I always had to be very mindful to convert what I’m learning and not just learn to learn because, um, because of, well, because I had to make a living at some point, right?
But if it were up to me, I’d be learning all the time and Um, and then my three line is the experimenter. So that’s all about that process of trial and error. So learning something and then putting it into practice and for a long time. So now I’m working particularly with moms and for a long time, I didn’t want to work with moms simply because I am in the same process.
That many of my clients are in right so I’m in the early stages of motherhood. I have experienced the good bad the ugly. I’m still figuring it out. Yeah, but we’re finally like one day I had this epiphany and I finally realized that part of why this work is so aligned for me is because part of my purpose.
Is to learn the information, which I do, put it into practice, which I’m doing within my own family, and then as I learned the information, I then share it with my clients and teach them how to do the same. So. So although I was resisting the work for a while because there was, there’s always that imposter syndrome, right?
Like who am I to be telling other moms how to, uh, manage their families when I’m still trying to figure it out. And then at one moment I was like, well, that’s exactly why because I’m, I’m in the process of figuring it out. And my, my model has become like, I only need to be a few steps ahead of my clients.
Right. So that I can bring them with me. Yeah. Um, and this has been a beautiful experience for me to be able to, um, Learn, put into practice. And then teach, um, and you know, when you say that Cynthia, in terms of being just a few steps ahead, you know, and, and imposter syndrome, because that’s something that comes up, you know, with nearly every person that I’ve interviewed over the years, but in conversations that I have with business owners.
But the thing that I always just like to remind all of us, myself included, is, you know, we have studied. As well. So we’ve got that qualification behind us. Plus we’ve got the experience and we’ve got the life experience too. So we’ve got the business experience of helping people getting results. We’ve got the qualification, you know, which is the learning aspect of it.
And like you said before, we’re continuously learning as well. So, I think we just need to remind ourselves and give ourselves grace to realize that we do have a lot of to share. Um, and as long as we’re open to and being curious, like you said earlier as well, then Anybody that comes into our space where we’re trying to help them is going to get value in what they need from us, from the message that they need to hear as well.
And I think that imposter syndrome, I think that when we’re experiencing imposter syndrome, it’s just a, an indication to us, right? It should just be like, kind of this little signal that we are, that we’re pushing the boundaries, right? We feel imposter syndrome because we’re stepping into a space that we have not yet been.
And that feels weird and uncomfortable. And All the things, right? And then that starts triggering like our limiting beliefs, our self doubt. But if we just remind ourselves that, oh, okay, I feel this way because I’m stepping into new territory. And that just means that I’m pushing a boundary, that I’m expanding beyond where I have already been.
And that’s a good thing. So if we can start experiencing imposter syndrome as like, yes, I’m, I’m, I’m positive. I’m pushing the limit, right? I’m pushing the limit of what I’ve done. Then that’s how we grow. If we don’t experience that, then we’re kind of staying where we’re at. And part of our process and, and, and especially for me, I know this is true because it is very aligned for me in, in, in it shows up in my energetic blueprint, is really about pushing those boundaries.
Like one of my, um, gates in one of my journeys is versatility. So it’s really being able to learn all these skills and then combine them in a way. That creates something new that hasn’t already existed, and any time that you do something like that, it’s going to feel scary and uncertain and, and there’s going to be the real fear of failure, right?
But if we can embrace failure and look at it, right, as a three line, because I have this constant trial and error going on. My son has a three line too, so this is something I’ll have to teach him. to really embrace is that there’s no such thing as a failure. Anytime that we try something and we fail at it, what we need to ask ourselves is what did I learn from this experience, right?
Because if we ask ourselves what we learned from the experience, then we know where to take the next leap, right? Because we know what didn’t work, which brings us closer to what will work. And we’ll eventually arrive there. Exactly. Yeah. That reframing is so important. Um, and changing the narrative that we have in our heads about, you know, um, that imposter syndrome and the failures, um, you know, they’re all opportunities and it is opportunity for growth as well.
And that’s, you know, as business owners as well, that that’s so important because if we do in this day and age, continue to just keep doing things and doing business the way we did five years ago, even two years ago. It’s not going to work. Things are changing fast in the world that we do need to be able to be adaptable to that, otherwise risk being left behind as well.
I think. I think all of our systems are changing. And when I started thinking about our systems, because I started it, it came to me from every angle, right? I was thinking about our school systems and the places where I don’t think they’re functioning well, and all our other, our community, all these systems.
And I became overwhelmed when I was looking at the big picture view. So I brought it back into the family system and, and again, making this parallel between the family system and the business. Um, I do think that the family system is the fundamental system, right? It’s the most basic system. And I think from that, it trickles into our other systems.
So my belief is that as I start working with families to restructure the family system, that we’re actually going to push up against these other systems and force them to change too. You’re right. The way we’re doing business is not going to make sense. And it is especially not going to make sense when we start shifting the way that we manage our families.
And, um, And having clarity of, of who we are and what direction we’re going to go in is where we start, whether it’s as a business owner, as a head of household. And, and from that first pillar, the wellbeing of the mom, I have also created a workshop called Rise Into Motherhood, which I’m launching in January.
And this is a four month program where I’m going to take moms through the process of intentionally sitting down and looking at Who am I? Where do I want to be? What are the things that I value? What kind of parent do I want to show up as? What wounds, like what inner child wounds do I need to heal to be able to show up as the mom that I want to?
How do I create community around myself? Because that’s another thing. Parenting now is very, Isolated and that’s not how it’s been historically, right? That’s what that’s why we hear this, this, you know, line of it takes a village. But the reality is that at least here, uh, well, in the US, you’re not in the US, right?
Are you? No, Australia. Okay. So in the US, I don’t know what it’s like in Australia, but in the US, we, um, there’s very much this There’s like this loneliness and this isolation around parenting and how we do things I think even in business in a lot of ways it’s become so isolated and what we have learned is that when we leverage, we all bring something different to the table, there’s room for all of us to grow and expand and and have all that we want and need right and once we shift from that collective perspective.
Thank you. from that individual mindset to a collective mindset of supporting one another, then we all rise together. Right. So I want to be able to work with moms on really grounding themselves in this concept and this idea and the programs using, like I said, the versatility, all like EFT tapping will be in the program, human design.
So understanding how to take care of themselves, self care by design. And I have. On my website, a free resource where people can go and they can pull their, a free human design chart and the resource, which is called self care by design. And it’ll tell them according to their energy blueprint, what kind of self care should I be engaging in?
Because even the word self care has become overwhelming. People are like, I don’t have time to do that. Like that’s a luxury I don’t have, whether I don’t have the time or the money. So really leveraging it because we all need to engage in restorative behaviors and be taking care. Of ourselves so that we can show up for others, whether it’s our employees, whether it’s our family members, um, so we need to be resourcing and restoring so that we can adequately support those around us.
Yeah, and I’ll put that link in the show notes as well. So everybody can have a look at that and be able to download that great resource. Thank you for that. Um, Cynthia. Before we wrap up, I wanted to ask you, you know, so you’ve, you’ve been, um, a psychologist for over 10 years. You’ve started to change and adapt your business with the human design elements over the last few years as well.
Will you, As a business owner, putting yourself out there as a health professional, how have you gotten your name out there? What has worked for you in terms of attracting those clients and that niche that you want to work with? For me, I think it’s been collaboration, right? So being able to, like I said, shifting from that of we’re all competing with one another to a space of We all have something to contribute and we all can support one another.
And I think that when you think of business, right, when you think of business owners, or like, even when you think of corporate businesses and the people that are at the top, there’s usually like this very competitive cut, throw energy to it. And I’ve realized that when we’re able to shift into this space of.
Um, we can both have, I’m not taking from you, you’re not taking from me, but we can both leverage what each one of us brings to the table and, and rise from that place, then it really shifts the way that we interact with one another. And then you can connect with others. And, you know, a lot of times I will have clients come to me that are not.
The best suited clients for me to take and it would be a disservice for me to take them on just because I’m going to make the money right when I can refer them to a colleague of mine that specializes in whatever it is that they’re bringing to the table and I am now helping the clients I’m helping my colleague and I truly believe that in turn that is going to impact me as well right it’s going to impact me as well because it’s more energetically aligned.
And I think that that also opens a space for the individuals around me to see the value in what I’m bringing to the table and also refer back to me. So I think that when we’re able to support each other and stop thinking in this way of competition, right? There’s this idea that in order for me to rise, I have to push everybody else down.
And one, it creates a very lonely experience. And two, it’s not in service to the whole, right? Again, when I think from a perspective of systems, and the way that I’m approaching the family system, I think about what it is as an individual one unit, right? Whether it’s one person, one business, right? Whatever the case may be, as one unit, what decisions and what behaviors can I engage in that are going to be supportive of the whole?
Because anytime we support the whole, we’re going to win. We’re going to benefit from that because we are part of the whole. Exactly. So it’s a big mindset shift in the way that we’ve been, and I, and I see that collectively happening. I do see that it’s slow and there’s a lot of resistance to it and mostly resistance because We don’t know anything different, right?
Like even when we go back to talking about the family system, Dad, dads are not participating because dads don’t necessarily want to. I think there are a lot of dads that really want to help their stressed out wives. They just don’t know how to because there hasn’t been anything modeled for them. So the same thing with business, even the people that recognize That we need to move from this space of competing with one another.
It’s hard to shift because it hasn’t been modeled for us, right? The way that business has been modeled for us historically is we have to fight to get to the top and we have to, you know, cut down the person that’s coming up behind us. And, and I don’t think that that’s the case, but it’s going to be a slow evolution with a lot of like.
trip up. So we have to give ourselves grace in the process. Um, but I think we’ll, we’ll arrive there. Yeah. Look, I think you’re right. Um, I do see more of a shift, especially with smaller businesses, um, or micro businesses as well, where. They had this, it’s slow, like you said, definitely, but there does seem to be a bit more of a shift where people are looking for those collaborative opportunities.
People are identifying what their business is really good at and what they, their weaknesses are, and looking for somebody else that they can then, you know, refer on to for The services or products that somebody might be looking where they’re not 100 percent suited to provide that, um, and, you know, I’m noticing that there’s more communities coming together of business owners as well.
And within that, that collaboration and discussion is starting to happen. So, it’s… Definitely going to take time, but the more that we’re open, and again, the more that we’re curious about that, um, I think the benefit is huge, not only to us, but definitely to society as a whole. It takes a whole lot of stress off you too, when you don’t feel like you have to be everything to everybody, um, because that’s exhausting.
Yeah, it’s not it’s not an effective way to use our energy, right? Because we’re not everything to everybody. But when we’re trying to be everything to everybody, or we it doesn’t give us the time or the permission to discover what it is that we’re really Good. Like what it is that we’re really good at.
Where are our strengths? What is the one thing that I can provide to you that someone else standing in this room might not be able to, they may try to, but may not be able to provide it to you as effectively as I can. And now I can pour all my energy into doing that. And someone else can pour their energy into doing what they are especially good at.
And this idea, and this is when I talk about changing all the systems, another system that always comes to me, which is probably like my biggest bone to pick right now, but, um, is our school systems, right? Because even our school systems are built off of Competition, right? I mean, think about it. Everything is what are your test scores?
What are you good at? Are you better than your peer? Do you have an and it doesn’t allow the students that these these Children who are should be in the process of discovering what are the things that they are especially good at and really leveraging those things. It doesn’t allow them to do that because they’re so concerned with being you.
Better than the next person. But the reality is that I’m going to be better at something than the next person. And I’m going to be worse at something than the next person. And that is okay. Because my zone of genius is my zone of genius. Yours is different. Yes. And I think, you know, we talk about what we’re good at and identifying that.
I think alongside that, what’s really important is we can be great at something, but Do we enjoy doing it as well? I think that question needs to be asked of ourselves, because we need to feel that passion. We need to feel that alignment with it, whether we’re good at it or not, um, to want to continue to do more of the same.
Otherwise, You know, if we’re doing something just because we’re good at and we may not be passionately driven by it, there will become a, there will come a time in the future where there’ll be a disconnect with that as well. Yes, and thank you so much for pointing that out because that is another big.
Aspect, right? This idea of do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life, right? We say that, but how, but do we really, do we really implement that? Do we really encourage our children to pursue their careers based on that? Statements and we don’t, we usually historically encourage them to pursue the career that is either going to make them the most money or give them the most recognition or prestige, right?
And none, neither one of those things are going to Motivate you in the long term, right? Because if you’re doing the thing that feels exciting for you, and that may change over the course of your life, right? I think you have to check in every once in a while because we do grow, expand and transition over time.
Um, but I think that if we’re constantly checking in on that, then. We’re going to want to do the things that we love. My daughter asked me once, um, mom, if we were to win the lottery, would you stop working? And I’m like, uh, no, I’m like, if I won the lottery, my work would be even more exciting because then I wouldn’t have the pressure of attaching it to a specific dollar amount.
I would still make money, but I wouldn’t be stressed about making money. So that would make it so much money. easier for me to experiment with things, explore things, come up with new ideas, have the money to pursue these ideas, right. And to serve more people and, and just explaining to her, like, I do what I do because I love it.
And because it brings me joy and I’m passionate about it, not because it’s a job. Actually, sometimes I have to like be like, okay, Cynthia, now you have to turn off work because it’s time to like. Be with your family. And it’s not that I don’t enjoy being on my family, but it’s that I also really enjoy what I do.
So it’s finding that balance between the two. And there’s nothing that I wish more for my kids. Then for them to pursue a career that really lights them up because I believe that if they do, the money will come, the money will come because once you do the thing that you love, you figure out ways to do it better and more effectively and to continue growing and eventually you’ll leverage it properly, hopefully with the right support and guidance and, and then the resources will come in to support you in that process.
And I truly. Believe that. And I think that if we were teaching that to kids more than competition and chasing money and prestige, then our whole society would look so different because we’d have a bunch of happier people walking around. Absolutely. We spend a lot of time working and to be doing something.
I can’t imagine waking up and going to a job that I hate every day when that is what we spend. the majority of our time doing. Yeah. Yeah, it is true. Um, and it’s really important. I think, you know, when you said, you know, trying to instill that in your children and having them follow something that they’re passionate about and love, um, going back to them, going back to the, the next.
Your generation that’s coming up, that’s where we have, you know, the biggest opportunity of influence around as well. So that, yeah, I truly believe that as well. Um, sorry, you wanted to say something. I was going to say that we we’ve been talking a lot in the world about the mental health crisis that we’ve been having, right.
Seeing an increase in, um, suicide and suicide radiation. When we see things like school shootings, for example, and people are like, Oh, it’s mental health. We have a mental health crisis. But imagine if we start from very early on, and we teach our children how to create a life that they’re excited about living, then we tackle A big portion of the mental health issues, right?
Because a lot of people are experimenting. Yes, there’s like biological and chemical stuff and all of that that plays a role. But I really think that that’s like a smaller role in what we’re experiencing. I think the bigger. Um, thing that needs to be addressed. It’s just the way that we’re living our lives and and being guided to make life decisions.
Um, and then again, creating that community and that support around us. I think the deterioration of the family has contributed to that. I think the lack of support of our neighbors, right? Society, community, all of that has contributed to it. Um, and we can see that evidence when we compare countries that have, um, stronger community ties to those that don’t it’s, it’s there.
It’s, we don’t need to look very far to find evidence. So we need to start making conscious decisions to shift that. And it really does start with. Addressing our youth differently and creating a different experience for them, um, to create that ripple effect that’s going to again change all the systems.
So true. Yep. So I totally agree, you know, um, getting back to starting with. The young, um, being able to have that influence with them and change the trajectory, um, of the way things are going, then there’s, you know, there’s, there’s hope for the future with that. Um, Cynthia, um, thank you so much for sharing so openly about your personal experience with your family and how you’ve developed as a family and grown.
been able to identify how each of you work with human design, as well as your business journey as, um, has been inspirational to hear. So thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me.